It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
