He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
