why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
