I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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