And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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