i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
