his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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