you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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