i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
