But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
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I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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