Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
