You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
