She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
