Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
