So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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