they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
