Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
