Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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