Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
