i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
