Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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