Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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