Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
