She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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