Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
