She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
