I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
