Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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