Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
