She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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