they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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