There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
