then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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