I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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