Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
