yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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