i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
