i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
vagina is talking i cant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
