im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
