Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
