He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize