so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I could make wine with my vomit
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
