whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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