Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
