your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
