I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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