We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
