i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
