I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
