you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
