that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
