Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
