I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
