I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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