I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
