If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
