hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
do nipples grow back?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
