my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
