So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize