his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
