Small penises have feelings too.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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