you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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