She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
