I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
