the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
