we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
