Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize