lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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