A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
