he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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