Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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