A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
