I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
