I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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