How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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