why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
