Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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