I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
