Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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