She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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