You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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