doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
