Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
