Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
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