can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
