She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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