P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
