I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
