"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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